Entertaining in India

With our lovely table that seats 12, and recent visitors from Israel and the US, we are more and more likely to have sumptuous meals with friends and family. Those that know us know that we love to entertain. But the tone and tenor changes in a setting where you have a fulltime (and phenomenal) chef and housekeeper. The meals have been exquisite; the cuisine of your choice. Amnon, a wonderful chef in his own right, gives tips and advice and recipes so that Chandana can replicate Shabbat morning Iraqi breakfasts, and other specialties that we like that would not otherwise be in her repertoire.

For me, a big part of entertaining is the preparation. I plan what to make, I shop, I cook, and I clean for days. For major events (Passover seders; Thanksgiving) Amnon and I can be up till 3:00 am with final preparations. I get cranky and nervous before the event (Will we be done in time? Will the kitchen be clean? Did we prepare enough?)

The preparation for these events is, for me, a “gift” that we give to our honored guests. I remember reading somewhere (Emily Post?) that a gift needs to reflect “expenditure” on the part of the giver. If it is an expensive gift, then it reflects a lot of work you have done or sacrifices you have made to provide that gift. Alternatively, it can be a gift that you spent a lot of time on, and the sacrifice of your time is the gift to the recipient.

Now, in India, we can invite guests on any weeknight, and Chandana will prepare as many courses as we choose. The meal is delicious – I am sure in many instances better than anything that I have ever prepared. But it makes the dynamic of entertaining weird for me, since it is no longer a gift of my time and my efforts to my guests. I guess I need to change the lens and see this as inviting our guests to a restaurant, instead of our home. (Though inviting guests to a restaurant in NY will likely reflect significant financial expenditure, and therefore also meet the “gift” criterion….which is not the case now for our maid-cooked-home meals….)

I spoke to an American friend about how Indian homemakers take pride in providing meals for their guests, when they have not actually toiled themselves. She said that one Indian woman she knew would take pride anyway, saying: “Do you like this dish? It’s my recipe; I taught the maid how to prepare it.”